Some of you might now that I love diving. I'm an avid diver, underwater photographer and dive instructor.
Now, this is scuba diving; I have my own supply of live support (aka "air") with me. There is also freediving aka "breath-hold diving", which is exactly what it sounds like: You breathe in, hold your breath, dive down and eventually come back up for air.
Oh the stereotypes and prejudice
I'm gonna be honest - I was biased in my perception of freedivers. Having seen many of them pass out during competitions and trainings while - at the same time - talking about how healthy, relaxing and helpful it was for becoming more aware of your own body. That didn't quite check out for me.
"The Deepest Breath" further reinforced these prejudices. I also met a bunch of freedivers and some of them were wonderful: Self-aware, relaxed, happy people. But a sizable portion of them seemed to, basically, compete on how "in-control" they were of themselves - and how long they could hold their breath. Again: Weird, because it looks like a competition in being chill?!
Anyway, there is an annoyingly high number of dipshits among scuba divers, too, so I didn't wanna generalise. I wanted to try and see it for myself.
Hold your breath...
I followed the invitation of someone who's definitely part of the "self-aware, pretty chill" population among the freedivers and tried it!
We met in a pool, we got ready and he explained what we'll do:
- Breathe for 2 minutes, get ready and try to calm yourself down.
- Take a deep breath, then lay face-down in the water and see how long you can hold it.
I did a sad 34 seconds on my first attempt. But I also noticed something. He told me to relax - and I wholeheartedly believed I was as relaxed as a noodle in a hot tub. I believed that, I felt relaxed when I said that. I also felt relaxed when I put my face in the water - an activity I genuinely enjoy, too.
But I wasn't relaxed. Not at all.
The face went into the water, the world became quiet and muffled.... but the thoughts rushed in. ALL OF THEM. ALL THE THOUGHTS. Obvious, immediate ones: How would it feel, when my body wanted more oxygen? How long was I underwater? But also unexpected ones: About work, about friends, about things I needed to do and so on and so forth. Why? Why now? What the heck? BUT I WANTED TO RELAX, HECK I WAS RELAXED, DAMN MY EYES!
Okay, that was... wild. My body showed me the mirror, direct and unfiltered. And in all the noise of the world, I thought I was calm and relaxed but hell nah, that was a lie.
So we tried it again - and again. I slowly learned how to turn my attention inside, but without letting the world - in the form of thoughts - rush in. I learned how to control my thoughts and feelings. I calmed down - actively calmed down. I did more than 2 1/2 minutes this time.
We also did a "CO2 table" where I got 2 minutes to breathe, 1:15 underwater, 1 minute to breathe, 1:15 underwater, 30 seconds to breathe, 1:15 underwater, 15 seconds to breathe, 1:15 to breathe and it was fine. It felt nice, even.
I asked about it. "Yeah, that's what this is about. To focus on yourself, to be aware of yourself, find rest within yourself" - oh yeah, I can go with that. That's beautiful, I think I get the fascination of freediving now.
Then we pushed a bit - we tried to extend the time. I felt contractions. My body wanted to breathe. I asked "What do you do when that happens?" The answer was what I didn't wanna hear, to be honest: "Ignore it, let it go! You're in control, it's fine, just ignore it"
Wait wait wait. No. I thought we were aware of ourselves, resting within ourselves. And now I should proactively ignore my own body? Ah, nah.
Static? Dynamic!
Okay fine. That didn't sound like something I'm okay with, but at least the first part was nice. That whole thing is called "static" in freediving terminology. You're static, stationary, you're not moving around. But then when I think of what I picture freediving to be like, it's being in open water, taking a breath, going underwater and swimming around, looking at fishies.
That's what freedivers call "dynamic". Well, we were in a pool, so no fishies, but let's try to swim some lanes underwater on a single breath. I used to be pretty good at that. Well, when I was swimming. So swimtrunks on, breathe in, underwater I go and 50m later or so, I surface.
Here, however, I have a wetsuit, a mask and fins. So I need some weights to stay underwater, fine. I use weights when scuba diving too, so nothing out of the ordinary for me.
BUT - it sucked. It sucked BALLS. I tried to focus on myself, "listen to myself", all that nice stuff I just learned. But I also needed to move. That was too much. That was just annoying. When I closed my eyes, I kinda forgot to move. When I opened my eyes I only saw the boring pool bottom. Meh.
I also didn't do so well, I ran out of breath after maybe 15-20 meters. Meh.
Honestly? I don't see the fun in this. I did "freedive" in the past in the ocean, not properly, probably, but I took a deep breath from my snorkel, put it out of my mouth, dived down, looked at fishies and eventually came back up. That was nice. This? This was shit. Not the shit, just shit. Boring, annoying, tedious.
I know, I know, this is something you can do with training bla bla bla. But why? If I wanna go somewhere underwater or stay longer I can. With scuba.
And now?
Well.
I tried freediving, I learned something new there, too! The static practice was great. It's basically meditation but in the water, I like water.
I also heard the things I feared I'd hear, even in the chill, nice parts of the freediving community. That wasn't as nice, to be honest.
Freediving is fun and a lovely sport. I'm not into the competitive angle of that, but that's fine. I don't have to be and I'm rooting for those who are.
But I will continue to spend my time underwater breathing.
I'm grateful for the opportunity and I will never forget this evening, tho!